WOULD YOU?
I whole heartedly say NO!
Not because it wouldn't be good, and it would make life easier.
Yet simply because in my life, I have In-fact endured a lot of pain, countless hours of tears and spent 3/4 of my life in darkness, and without those 3 feelings my life wouldn't be as it is right this second now.
I believe that my life has been changed for the best, everything happens for a reason, weather it be the bad, the good or the down right ugly.
This time last year, I was in a haze or darkness, a sheer blur, and then I by Absoloute accident discoverd Spencer Bell, when one day I decided I wanted to take up knitting! (yes knitting) hoping that doing so would help me concentrate and bring me back to life.
So on my Quest for help, I logged into Youtube, the land of Helpfull videos.
I typed in the words "Knitting Club" thinking that it would pull a Google on me and give me a stream of virals that would help me on my way, Yet instead I came accross a Video by 'The Stevedores' Titled "That Wouldn't Be Right", so I watched it, and just the instrumental, lyrics and passion behind the sheer voice of Genious that is Spencer Bell and the Steverdores, turned on a light in my head and heart! the connection between both almost shocked me back to life!
Through the Stevedores I came accross 100 Monkeys, and L.A based Band of 5 gentlemen rockers who express their meaning of sound as "Ono-Mono-Poetic" (I believe that could be the spelling), their music made me smile, not half as much as Spencer Bell and the Stevedores did though,
I learned of Spencers Story, such a sad going for such a young man. A Genious in his own right.
Now you see, every year, around two or three times there is a Legacy concert held in Memory of Spencer Bell, where his Family & Friends bring his life, passion and love to the stage for a whole day of fun, drinks, and love! for the fans!
I live streamed this show as i live in the UK, and Once logged into the stream I came accross such Beautifull souls, The fans!, they live to love their music, and passion over-wrights all else!
I found the Woman who changed my life that day.
She Goes by the Name of Jamie Elizabeth.
Not only did Jamie make me laugh, smile, and cry with tears of laugher. She made a huge difference although she may never realise it.
Jamie introduced me to Marisja (Agent M), who then introduced me to Lorna (PINKY) who introduced me to Kimberly (Kimmy) and Monica (MoMo). She also in time Introduced me to Mrs Tonya! (Tonzya)
All of whome in one way or another have changed my entire life and means for Exsistance!
And right now i am back to life, and appreciate my surroundings alot more than I ever did, I appreciate that i wake up every single morning and god allows me to breath, i appreciate that i wake up every morning and god allows me the rights to see, speak and love all that surrounds me matters! The goodness of such wonderfull people in the world that i personaslly know over-wrights the badness that was created for me not so long ago.
So I go back to that Question I asked just before, and still my answer is NO,
all the bad gave me all the amazingly great days I have right now. I might be sick and un-diagnosed, I might still make stupid mistakes and I might still have my bad days, but I know that it is all happening for a reason, and I WILL find the right path on the way to my destiny.
So ask your self the very same question, and see if its any different for you.
It may be, and I pray to the lord that you find a happy place like I did with the wonderfull women and 'Man' (my lovely friend Curtis) whome I also met because of these happenings.
See what you would REALLY change and wonder where you'd be right now if it weren't for the darkness, tears and pain.
Let me Know what you think, this is just my opinion, not the opinion of any other, ALL mine.
I ask that you respect it, and i ask that you also find your way in life if you ever find yourelf lost like me.
I Less than Three you all.
<3
I started to post a comment, which turned into a post on my blog...sorry! But, no I would not take away any pain, sorrow, tears or darkness I have experienced. I do not think I would like the person I would be without them.
ReplyDeleteSara, you have such wisdom for such a young woman. Your attitude blesses me greatly, knowing you have suffered much. The way you answered your question was beautiful! Since my darkest days revolve around the death of my husband, it is difficult for me to say that I wouldn't want to change my circumstances, but, my answer would resemble yours. I wouldn't change the outcome, because my sweetheart would have to come back as he was and suffer so much more as he faced the reality of his damaged heart and awaited a transplant and all the challenges that would have come along. I have tremendous Peace knowing that the love of my life is well and enjoying the presence of our Lord. How selfish I would be to want otherwise! As for me, I have grown spiritually and closer to the Lord than ever before and continue to love and trust Him day by day. I miss my husband terribly, but my life is still good and I am so thankful for the years we had together. I find lots of Joy in my life when I am intentional about searching for it. I find it most often in the loving relationships I have been so blessed with. I am so glad to know you are able to maintain such a positive attitude and share it with us! Thank you! Prayers for you dear one.
ReplyDeleteDear Menacy, thankyou for your comment, I'll be sure to read your blog, thankyou for taking the time from your day to read mine, i really do appreciate it. ~S
ReplyDeleteDearest Sara, This is the most wonderful post.I agree with you about a great many things! First,I do not believe you can really appreciate the light until you have been through such deep darkness. The beauty of it is that God IS light! When we are pulled towards His light through serendipitous circumstances, i.e. Sara goes in search of a knitting club...but instead finds a world full of meaningful music, meaningful people, laughter and love! But, if you had not been at your ropes end, grasping for any little bit of sanity and diversion, the odds are pretty great that you would NOT have been looking to knit!!!O_O...
ReplyDeleteGod does all things well, including bringing my Jamie into your life. I cannot wait to be able to share this with her Sara, because she needs this right now, oh-so-very-much. As she struggles and works---through His grace---to find that beauteous light shining for *her* through the darkness, your words will be a tremendous and warming glow.
We know that,"God is love", actually He is perfect love. And in fact "Perfect love casts out all fear." I can tell that you have been experiencing His love, because your words are filled with courage and hope and love and...very little fear!
Thank you for including Jamie Elizabeth among the people who have changed your life!, my goodness, and right up at the top too! And Lovie, thank you for including me in there as well. There are not enough words to say what a blessing that is to me.I am trusting for your healing, wellness and wholeness! Yes good things are in your life, and hey will keep getting better, and even more amazing.NEVER forge how much Jesus adores you, you wonderful girl! ~Tonzya~
Dear lovely Renee!, thankyou so very much for reading this post, it means alot and I appreciate that you also take the time to listen to my words,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss, Such a wonderfull man your husband was, he amde you so happy and still continues to do so, Nobody really leaves us Renee, He is with you every single day, he is the Sun in the Sky, he is the starts at night, and he is your heart. Such a wonderfull woman you are also, I am sorry to hear he sufferd, but you still remember all the good memories you both had together, every single day, The lord will take care of your wonderfull husband, he will restore his health and he will be happy, he is watching over you, the lord does a few crazy things but he does them with love, we appreciate things alot more than before. Your memories will live on, You will never forget or be forgotten, i believe your darkness is over, the light is shinging so bright for you now, you have a wonderfull family support and you help each other, Thankyou for your kind words also, I will never forget them, My prayers are with you also. I hope all is well and wonderfull. ~Sara
Dear Tonzya!, Your wonderous Daughter Jamie, is a God Send, she was the Light from which I got from the switch (Spencer Bell), she changed me for the better, we had eachother in giggles with storys from our lives which in fact turned out that we had similar experience (quite helarious i must say) Roller skates, Cola machines and HELMUTS! shall always be a huge part of my life! and Jamie brought me the real friendship and the wonderfull others such as yourself that i needed right one time, i had waited so long for! She gives and never takes, and she gets that from such a wonderfull Mother who is you, and you get that from your wonderfull mother! Life is a circle, it never has corners, because corners would make you stop, and why stop when you can appreiate, and love the view of all beauty, I dont need no corners, im quite content inside of the lines, I hope Jamie does see this and really understands that the smallest of grace, and just one word can make and change someones life, she is wonderfull and appreciated by alot more than justme and you and her family, theres a whole world of appreciation and love flowing into her right now, and im pretty sure it will be a further step towards her path!, Thankyou Tonzya for being so wonderfull, You are truely a blessing, and I thank your Momma for you too. <3 ~ZARA GIRL~
ReplyDeleteOkay, child, how did you get so wise??? I love what you said here: "Life is a circle, it never has corners, because corners would make you stop, and why stop when you can appreciate, and love the view of all beauty, I don't need no corners, I'm quite content inside of the lines."
ReplyDeleteJust beautifully said. Corners just get you stuck!
Thank you for all of the encouragement for Jamie. She will be reading this soon! It will lift her up. Thank you for that gift! You got 3 generations of loves to ya, right here! <3 ~T~
If i am entirely honest, i have no idea why im so "wise" ad everyone does tell me, i take that as such a beautifull compliment its means alot, and yet i still do not know where it comes from, Maybe my Grandad on my dads side, or maybe i was born with it, im so very different from the rest of my entire family, im the 'Black Sheep' though i dont like that term. I appreciate me being so different, i enjoy that life makes me happy. Thankyou Tonya! Jamie is a wonderfull girl! she means alot to me too! You and your Momma also! i hope you are all wonderfull! <3 ~S
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Tonya's comment, you are wise. You are so right about "the smallest of grace, and just one word can make and change someones life,". Everyday I learn this again and again. One smile, one hello, one thank you, JUST ONE EXPRESSION of kindness can change everything for the better. It is God's love at work. Thank you for joining my blog. Sometimes I get depressed and lonely, but I never give up hope. I too am the 'black sheep' (don't like the term either). But I am glad I am different from the rest of my family. I am glad to be me!
ReplyDeleteThankyou Menacy, and we all get depressed and lonely at some point, i get it quite alot, but then i read such beautifull wonderfull comments on here from you wonderfull women and i smile, it inspires me, it gives me hope that one day everything may dissapear, all bad i mean, and although nobody can assure me of that completely, the hope inside of me tells me that life will be great for me one day.
ReplyDelete"Never Lose Hope" - Spencer Bell.
~Sara